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|Saturday, November 25th, 2006|
|Monday, November 20th, 2006|
|Another one of those tests...
You are The Star
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised
The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Interesting, considering the main subject of my HP fic, that I got the card identified with the mythological Andromeda.
Loved the John Lennon quote, too.
|Friday, November 17th, 2006|
|Greek Mytholgy Test
0% Extroversion, 66% Intuition, 72% Emotiveness, 80% Perceptiveness
|You are an artist, an aesthete, a sensitive, and someone who has never really let go of that childlike innocence. To you, all of life has a sense of wonder in it, and the story of Orpheus was written about someone just like you. |
When the Argo passed the island of the Sirens, Orpheus played a song more beautiful than the Sirens to prevent the crew from becoming enticed. When his wife died, he ventured into the underworld to charm Hades but, in his naivete, he looked back becoming trapped there.
You can capture your unique world view and relate it to others with the skill of a master storyteller. Your sensitivity and creativity make you a treasure to the human race, but your thin-skinned nature and innocence can cause you a lot of disenchantment and pain. What's doubly unfortunate is that, if you try to lose those traits, you never will, and everyone will be able to tell that you're putting up an artificial shell to prevent yourself from being hurt.
Famous people like you: Hemingway, Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Melville, Nick Tosches
Stay clear of: Icarus, Hermes, Atlas
|My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
||You scored higher than 0% on Extroversion|
||You scored higher than 58% on Intuition|
||You scored higher than 64% on Emotiveness|
||You scored higher than 75% on Perceptiveness|
|Color code quiz
||Perceval took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!|
"Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of exp..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
|Thursday, October 12th, 2006|
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-- Ernest Gaines
We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.
|Monday, October 2nd, 2006|
|Fic: Black Alchemy: Shadow, Chapter 6a: Nymphadora
Another big thank you to Sorg, for the observation about Simon Marius, and connecting him to the Black sisters. The description of the origin of magic comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (who, as we saw in an earler chapter, exists in this universe), created by Joss Whedon, and owned by Fox. Joss got it from the writings of H. P. Lovecraft (which tells you who else is part of this universe).
Because of limits to how long a Livejournal post can be, I'm having to divide this chapter in two. ( Read more...Collapse ) Current Mood: accomplished
|Friday, September 22nd, 2006|
|Wednesday, September 13th, 2006|
|Sunday, September 10th, 2006|
|Thursday, July 27th, 2006|
|Severus Snape and the Gang of Slytherins
Severus Snape and the Gang of Slytherins
Fans love them, fans hate them, fans love to hate them. They are the Slytherin counterparts to the Marauders. They are fascinating and mysterious. Sirius named six, but the way he worded his description indicated at least a seventh, at least one who didn't become a Death Eater. Exploring the canon, we find complications and contradictions. So, who were Slytherin's Magnificent Seven, and how can it all make sense? ( Read more...Collapse )
|Thursday, July 20th, 2006|
|The Curse of the Blacks, Part 6
"James, wait! Dammit, wait for us! For God's sake, don't go charging into the Girls Prefects Bathroom without the invisibility cloak, at least!"
James screeched to a halt outside the Girls Prefects Bathroom door at Sirius's words.
Sirius caught up to James, invisibility cloak in hand, with Remus and Peter behind him.
"Thanks, Padfoot. I'll need this to save Lily's sweet, innocent, virtue."
Sirius didn't quite know what to say to his frantic best friend. Remus, however, tried a tactic that would never come to Sirius. He tried reason.
"James, there are forces at work, here, beyond our ability to control."
"Dammit, Moony! I can't just stand by and leave Lily, naked, in a luxurious bath, at the mercies of a beautiful Sex Goddess!"
"Yeah!" Peter jumped in. "We need to go in there, right now!"
"See? Wormtail's with me!"
"Um, yeah..." Remus thought Peter's enthusiasm wasn't entirely about rescuing Lily. Because of his enhanced senses, he could hear what was going on on the other side of the door, and his inner wolf was screaming to burst in. How to explain to James that Lily really wouldn't appreciate her would be knight rescuing her from the serpent, right then? He glanced at Sirius. Damn, that just incited the inner wolf, even more.
Sirius was torn. On the one hand, he had promised to protect Lily's virtue, both from himself and the cousin he loved more than he should have. On the other hand, the two girls he loved were right behind that door, acting out a favorite fantasy of his... Oh no! He was a Sex God! Maybe, his Sex God Mojo had turned his Andy and Lily fantasy into reality! Of course, in his fantasy, he walked in on them having their intimate bath, and joined in... This was all his fault! He'd tried to be a noble Gryffindor, and had failed those he loved, who trusted him. Sweet, innocent, virtuous, and hot redhead, Lily. Sensitive, scruffy, but in a sexy way, trying to control his inner wolf, Remus. His best friend, fiery and very attractive James. Not really outstanding in any way, but enthusiastic, Peter. It was his fault, all of it. Well, OK, Andy had made her intentions towards Lily clear, and Lily and Andy had always been friendly, and, from what Remus had said, Lily didn't exactly fight being kissed on the train. Plus, she'd been resistant to the idea of being protected from Andy. And, she'd wanted to accompany him on the train when he went to look for Andy, and James was so wound up that Sirius was afraid he might literally explode if all that tension wasn't relieved...
"We're going in," Sirius said as he threw the cloak around them.
"We could wait until the morning to tell them..." Lucius told an enthusiastic Cissy, who was running happily to the lower levels close to the Slytherin Common Room in search of her sisters. Lucius was a little concerned at how Cissy's sisters would react. The worst case scenario was some very nasty curses from two girls who had made an art form of them. The best case scenario... Well, Lucius, frankly, wasn't sure he had the energy.
"If I know Bella, she and Roddy should have gone to the alcove, up ahead... Ah!"
"Hello Cissy. Lucius," a radiant Bella said, followed, as expected, by a flushed Roddy... Then, an unexpected Evan and Liz.
"DAMN, Bella!" Cissy exclaimed, a bit outraged. "Just because you're a Sex Goddess doesn't mean you have to see how many you can rack up in one night!"
Well, at least Andy was restraining herself, Cissy was certain.
The sight before Sirius's eyes was, amazingly, exactly as he'd always pictured it. He'd find it equally amazing that Andy and Lily hadn't noticed the Marauders' presence, even with the invisibility cloak, given the noise of entering the Girls Prefects Bathroom, but he'd been with Andy, like this.
"We have gone where no man has gone, before..." Peter whispered. "We have entered Paradise."
Not yet, Sirius thought. Peter could be such a geek...
"How can you say that?" James snarled, not quite loudly, but not whispering, either. "They... They..."
"Just heard you, Prongs." Remus finished, for him. "Nice going..."
"Um... Well, it's not like they can see us..."
"JAMES CHARLUS POTTER!!!"
A very angry, beautiful, and quite naked redhead climbed out of the bath and stood, her hands on her hips, looking straight at them.
"HOW DARE YOU BURST IN HERE WHILE WE'RE TAKING A BATH, YOU CREEP!"
Oh, the hell with it, James thought, pulling off the cloak.
"YOU TWO ARE DOING MORE THAN TAKING A BATH!!! We CAME here..." James turned and noted the various expressions of his companions. "Well, I came here to protect your sweet, innocent, virtue!"
"By you and your friends barging in on us taking a BATH?"
"Yeah!!! Well, it..." James was having trouble keeping his train of thought and explaining the logic of his actions with Lily and the Sex Goddess standing there, naked.
"So..." Andy said, silkily, "you brought us some playmates, Sirius? That's sweet."
A seductive smile, and Remus could no longer contain the wolf. He pounced.
"Dammit, Moony!" James yelled as Andy was matching Remus's aggression as she pulled off is clothes. "How are we supposed to protect Lily's virtue if we can't protect yours?"
Sirius began undressing, and Peter, as always, followed his head.
"B-but..." James stammered.
"I guess you're just going to have to come make this up to me." Lily told him, as she joined Andy and Remus, who were already in the bath.
Since Cissy was irritated with Bella, Lucius didn't have to face either his best or worst case scenarios, for tonight, at least.
As he, Cissy, Bella, Roddy, Evan, and Liz entered the Slytherin Common Room, Severus glared at them, sullenly. With him was Marcus Avery, who was used to his friend glaring and being sullen, but Severus was doing it more than usual, these days. In the years to come, many things would be said about Severus Snape. "He's such a bloody Emo," Nymphadora Tonks would one day declare. Severus never did understand what she meant by that. If he'd had, perhaps his life might have taken a different turn.
Besides, he never understood half of what Nymphadora Tonks said, anyway.
But that was a story for another time...
"Look at them..." he told Marcus, darkly.
"Yeah... I've been doing a lot of that..."
"I'm sure you have," Severus sneered.
"Look, Sev... I can't help but notice... You've been grouchy since we got here. OK, you're usually grouchy, but..."
"Of course, I'm grouchy!" Severus snarled. I'm trying to concentrate on my work, and they... THEY... keep insisting on walking around and being distracting!"
"Well, they're Sex Goddesses. Of course, they're going to be distracting."
"It's all Sirius Black's fault. I know it."
"You're kind of fixated on Sirius, you know that?"
"I am not! He just did this to further torment me, as he always has!"
"Whatever you say, Sev..."
"Good. I'm glad you're seeing the truth of the matter."
Next: The morning after. Will our heroes and heroines be in any condition for their classes? Is Severus really an Emo decades before it's trendy? Will the Black sisters start a Sex Goddess fashion line? Will more Ravenclaws want to join the study group? Current Mood: good
|Wednesday, July 19th, 2006|
|The Curse of the Blacks! Part 5
Truth be told, four pairs of Prefects weren't getting much patrolling done.
They were busy finding private spots, little hiding places that Filch wouldn't be looking into, but every Prefect knew about.
The reason for this was there was a Black in each of the four Prefect pairings in question, and the Black cousins had become, through an enhancement spell gone wrong, Sex Gods and Goddesses. So, they were currently finding places to perform their sacred duty as Sex Deities, bestowing their blessings on those so lucky to be chosen.
Ravenclaw Prefect Andrea Chambers had chosen herself to be so blessed, and Regulus knew the perfect secluded spot, near the Gryffindor Tower. He knew this spot as he kept tabs on his older brother, Sirius. For once, he was pleased Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor, as otherwise he wouldn't know of this little hideaway. Of course, there was also the danger of his brother interrupting them, but what were the odds of that?
Lucius Malfoy was having second thoughts.
He was traveling to a secluded place, about to get something he'd wanted for quite some time. He should be, he though, quite pleased at this. A Black sister was appropriate for the son and heir of the Malfoy family to marry, and Narcissa Black was, like her sisters, quite beautiful, while being more traditionally ladylike than her aggressive older sisters, Bellatrix and Andromeda. She was perfect.
She was still perfect, he thought. But... She was now a Sex Goddess. He wouldn't even be her first, but her fifth, though he would be the first that wasn't a close blood relative.
That thought shook him. The very thought of her doing those things with her sisters... Well, all right, it inspired something other than disgust. The sisters were also Sex Goddesses, after all... But, he knew he should be disgusted.
As a Sex Goddess, she would never be entirely his, and, despite his yearning... Yes, it was beyond desire, now, a primal need to... serve?
No, A Malfoy must be master of his fate. He had to be strong. This had to stop, now.
"Narcissa..." he began.
Cissy turned around, and looked... Lucius couldn't find the words.
"Lucius, you may undress me, now."
It was a long way to the Astronomy Tower. Fortunately, Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks enjoyed conversation. They'd discovered, over the years, that there were very few people they each found interesting enough for long talks, so they valued the ones they had, especially each other.
"The weirdest part is how energetic and... fresh I am. You'd think after spending the train ride shagging two sisters and two cousins, I'd be... well..."
"Your body has adjusted to your new status. Being a Sex Goddess isn't just what you do, it's what you are. Deities are always, partly, their function. So, you're always going to be a lot... fresher... than anyone else would, under the circumstances. It's what you're built for, after all."
"Hmmm... So, are you up to being the Sex Goddess's Consort?"
Ted smirked. "Always."
Rodolphus Lestrange had always been enthusiastic. A good student, thinker, and an athlete, star Beater for Slytherin's Quiddich team, he went after everything with gusto. But tonight, he wasn't playing defense. No, he was going to SCORE!
Bellatrix Black was afraid he wouldn't make it to their destination. Fortunately, he was able to restrain his enthusiasm, until they reached their little hideaway near the Slytherin Common Room.
"Are you going to be able to hold it in until we get there?" she asked.
"I've always known to wait for the shot," he replied. Besides, wouldn't do for a Head Girl and Prefect to be caught by Filch doing what we're going to do," he added, smiling wickedly.
"Filch couldn't say a thing," she replied, with an equally wicked smile. "Andy looked up the Ministry Laws regarding Sex Deities, and I'd just be performing my sacred duties. It's just... polite... to do it somewhere private. Speaking of which, we're... What?"
From the sounds, others had gotten there, first. Well, this was annoying. Bella, with Roddy behind her, stormed into what was supposed to be their private alcove.
"Ahhh!!!" exclaimed one of the occupants.
Bella and Roddy knew these two, well.
Two of their oldest, closest, friends, Evan Rosier and Elizabeth Wilkes, were naked, and were obviously being very intimate.
"What are you two DOING, here?!!" Bella exclaimed.
"You're a Sex Goddess and you have to ask? Ha!" Roddy laughed and clapped. "Good for you, Evan! I guess you're not a ponce, after all!"
Bella glared at Roddy. Roddy just shrugged.
"Um... Hi..." said Liz.
"Hey, Liz. Looking good. Oh, come on, Bella, she does, and you know it, since you're pansexual!"
"Never mind that! And what do you mean, you guess Evan isn't a ponce?"
"Well, he was looking at me really hard the week before we came back to school."
"Excuse me," an offended Evan interjected, "but YOU were looking at ME, really hard!"
"I was NOT!"
"Stop it, you two!" Bella ordered, frustrated. This night wasn't going as she planned, at all. Then, she realized something. "Wait a minute... Oh, Merlin..."
"What is it, Bella?" Evan inquired.
"ARRRGH!!! You're my first cousin, on my MOTHER'S side!!! I FORGOT!!!"
"The spell was to enhance me, my sisters, and my first cousins! I was only thinking of the Blacks! Evan, you're a Sex God!"
Liz smiled. "He certainly is."
"Wait..." Evan said, angrily. "You're the reason I'm horny all the time, now?!! Well, besides you being a Sex Goddess that I'm around, a lot?!!"
"Well," Liz said, thoughtfully, "since I want Evan and Bella, both, and I do like Roddy... And, you three want me, and each other... We should..."
"I don't want Evan!" Roddy protested. "I'm not a ponce!"
"I don't want you, either!" Evan responded. "And, I'm not a ponce, I'm a Sex God! And, you do too want me, you ponce!"
"I do NOT want you! I just want the girls! You watch your arse!"
"Why, Lestrange? You're watching it, FOR me!"
"Why, you..." Roddy threw himself at Evan.
"Well, this looks to be a good night, after all..." Bella decided, as she undressed.
Andy gasped, as she climaxed.
She felt... different. She couldn't place it, but something had changed. What happened? Was it because it was with Ted? Was this...?
"Look at it."
Andy reached for a strand of her hair. What the hell? Her hair had turned from black to a bright red.
"Why, Lucius, this is so sudden. We should at least wait until we're out of Hogwarts."
"Of course, but... Will you?"
"Yes. I'll tell my sisters. They'll want to shag you, immediately."
Remus Lupin and Lily Evans had finished their rounds, and, unlike some of the other patrolling Prefect teams, their night had been uneventful.
"Well," Remus said, "better head back to the Dorm, to make sure the boys have stayed out of trouble."
Lily laughed. "Good luck with that. As for me, I need to unwind with a long, hot, soak."
"Well, there's been a few metamorphmagi in the family. I guess you... brought it out in me. You like?" Andy asked.
"It looks good on you. But, can you change back?"
"Let's see." Andy concentrated, and shifted her hair back to it's normal black.
For a Sex Goddess, Andy mused, this would be useful. The possibilities... But, it was eventually time to part. They kissed, then...
Andy noticed a certain someone heading for the Girls Prefects Bathroom...
Time for a bath.
Prefects had many responsibilities, but with it came certain privileges, like this. As she turned on the water to the huge bath, Lily thought that this was true luxury. She'd be able to relax, unwind, and not think about James Potter... Or Sirius or Andromeda Black.
She stripped, and with the water running, didn't hear the door open, behind her. She did, however, hear it close, and spun around. She gasped, and was suddenly very aware of her nudity.
Andy's smile was absolutely predatory.
"Alone, at last."
Sirius was finding the Dorm very uncomfortable. Things were very tense. James was pacing, and he and Sirius made a point not to look at each other as they changed clothes. Peter didn't bother not to look, though.
Remus felt the tension as soon as he walked into the room.
"Remus!" James greeted, a little too loud.
"Did patrol go OK?" James asked, a little too quickly.
"Um... Yeah... Uneventful..."
"And Lily made it back to her Dorm, without incident?"
"Well, she decided to take advantage of the Prefects Bath."
"She WHAT?!!! And, you LET HER?!!!"
"Um, James, I'm not going to tell a girl not to take a bath if she wants one."
"HER SWEET INNOCENT VIRTUE!!!" James frantically grabbed the Marauders Map, which could tell him the location of everyone at Hogwarts. "OH, NO!!!"
"Wait a minute, James... You're not a Prefect. You can't just go running around the castle. You especially can't go running into the Girls Prefects Bathroom.
Sirius looked at the map. Ah... Well, it was only a matter of time... "James," he began, "maybe..."
But James Potter wasn't listening, as he charged past Remus and out the door.
Sirius sighed, and yelled "At least take the invisibility cloak!" which he grabbed, as he, Remus, and Peter gave chase.
"So, has your research been productive?" Regulus asked.
"Very. We need to do more..." Andrea replied.
Before they could, though, they were interrupted by four frantic figures running past them.
"Isn't that your brother?"
"Yeah... Yeah, it is."
"Looked like trouble. Should we follow?"
Next: Will James be in time to save Lily's sweet, innocent, virtue? Is it really a good idea to have Sirius and Remus with him while he tries to do so? And, will Severus glare and look sullen, some more? Current Mood: amused
|Monday, July 17th, 2006|
|The Curse of the Blacks! Part 4
"It's scandalous, I tell you!" Head Boy Frank Longbottom sneered.
"And Bellatrix Black is Head Girl! It's an outrage that a... Sex Goddess is Head Girl!" his girlfriend, and fellow Gryffindor, Prefect Alice Robins agreed.
"You know..." The voice behind them made Frank and Alice jump. Sneaky arrogant Ravenclaw bastard... "I would think her racist politics would be more of an issue with her qualifications for Head Girl." Ravenclaw Sixth Year Prefect Ted Tonks said softly.
"Well... of course!" Frank amended. "But... THIS!"
"And, they're letting them come back to Hogwarts!" added Alice.
"Well," Ted smirked, "It could have happened to anybody..."
"Not anybody..." Frank said, his eyes narrowing. "Just people who know and play with the Dark Arts. So, I suppose it could happen to you Ravenclaws."
"I suppose it could," Ted said, unphased. "Except, we'd research to be sure we knew what we were doing... Being a Sex God or Goddess may sound like fun on the surface, but there are a lot of responsibilities..."
"Responsibilities?!!!" Alice screeched. Ted was finding this tedious, but, despite his silent prayer that she would be struck dumb, she continued. "Andromeda Black was in her... underwear!"
Ted smiled at the memory. "Liked the garters. Didn't know anyone still wore those. Very Bettie Page."
"Who?" a confused Frank wondered.
"Oh, she was..."
"I... really don't care, Tonks."
"'Tonks'? So formal..."
"But, since you brought up responsibilities, where's our Head Girl? I haven't seen her since the meeting. What on Earth could she be doing?"
"Getting laid, probably. She is a Sex Goddess, after all. Of course, I thought one of them always was..."
"Just watch the company you keep, Tonks." Frank said, stiffly.
Ted smirked, again. "Oh, I intend to. Very up close and personal."
"And straighten your tie. You're a Prefect."
The Head Girl, at that moment, was with Cissy and Regulus, carrying a spare uniform for Andy, heading back to the Prefects compartment on the Hogwarts Express.
"Who does that Potter think he is?" Bella fumed. "Demanding... DEMANDING... that we not force our 'amorous affections' on his 'sweet, innocent, virtuous' Lily!"
"At least that chubby kid had the decency to look embarrassed." Regulus said.
"I don't even think they're dating." Cissy added.
"I don't CARE if they're dating." Bella huffed. "As IF I would touch that mudblood... With that red hair and those... green eyes..." Bella shook herself out of her momentary fog, her eyes gaining a dark look. "If I touch her, I'll make her scream... She'll know who her master is..."
"Did you mean for that to be subtextual?" Regulus asked.
"Don't start sounding like your brother." Bella hissed.
"Speaking of which, where IS he?" Cissy asked. "He's usually attached at the hip with Potter."
"Soon to be attached at other places, no doubt..." Regulus said, as they entered the Prefects compartment. "Ah, speak of the devil..."
Bella, Cissy, and Regulus thought they'd be used to this, by now. But, the sight of the very naked Andy on top of the equally naked Sirius left them gasping.
"Close the door, dears." Andy said, simply.
Bella stood transfixed, but only for a moment. "Well... I suppose we have some time..."
The Blacks were used to being the center of attention, but, entering the Great Hall for the Opening Feast, it had never been quite like this. All eyes were upon them, and there was more than a little drool.
For the first time, Sirius wished his brother and cousins were in the same House he was, feeling very conspicuous as the lone Black at the Gryffindor table.
Headmaster Dumbledore gave his annual opening address, pretty much the usual, the welcoming, the wording things to convince the First Years that he was insane, the warnings about the Forbidden Forest... He then, quite casually, explained the new regulations regarding the condition of the Blacks, adding that the students would be covering Sex Gods and Goddesses in History of Magic.
"Binns teaching about Sex Gods and Goddesses? Is he kidding?" Ted wondered at the Ravenclaw table.
Andrea Chambers, his fellow Sixth Year Prefect, said, "Good thing we study these things on our own."
"Yeah, I remember you almost wound up in that condition, yourself."
"I suppose we should research those suffering from this affliction."
"Well, let's see how the Prefects are paired up for patrolling the halls, tonight." He looked at the parchment delivered to them with the assignments. "Damn."
Dumbledore concluded his address by telling the Blacks that if they require a room for some private time among themselves, one would certainly turn up.
At the Slytherin table, Severus Snape glared, sullenly. Not that this was unusual for him, but he was glaring and being more sullen than usual. It was all that damn Sirius's fault. He knew it.
Frank and Bella had agreed that the Prefects would be paired with their own House and Year. Which, of course, for them meant Frank would be with Alice and Bella would be with Rodolphus Lestrange. Very convenient for them, Andy mused, but not for the rest of them. While she was quite willing to play with Lucius, her plans for the evening centered around a Ravenclaw Prefect and one, maybe two, Gryffindor ones. She noticed Lucius and Cissy weren't too happy, either. Ted, however, didn't look bothered, at all. What was he up to?
She found out once the Seventh Years were gone.
Andrea stepped forward.
"Regulus... Very shocking about your condition. I'd like to help you research it. Perhaps we can discuss it, tonight."
Regulus really wanted to accept the offer, as Andrea was a great combination of looks and brains. But...
"I can't leave Cissy, alone."
Ted nodded to Andy, who picked up the hint.
"Lucius can patrol with you."
Cissy brightened, and Lucius was, naturally, pleased.
"But," Cissy wondered, "what about you?"
"Oh, I'm sure I'll find someone."
Cissy, Lucius, Regulus, and Andrea wasted no time to begin their patrols.
"So..." Andy began...
Remus felt the inner wolf growl. Lily looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Um..." Lily said, with less than her usual decisiveness.
"I'll patrol with Lily." Remus decided, really needing to get Lily and himself away from Andromeda Black before Ted suggested the four of them patrol together. Not that he was certain Ted would suggest that, but he was a Ravenclaw...
After Remus and Lily left, rather quickly, Ted smiled.
"I think we should patrol Astronomy Tower, first." he suggested.
"Yes. No telling what sort of trouble could be going on, there." she agreed.
They left, as the remaining Hufflepuff Prefects looked after them.
"We get left out of everything..." one of them grumbled.
Next: Patrolling is fun. The Marauders unpack. Lily decides to relax and unwind. What else is the Prefects Bath for? Current Mood: accomplished
|Saturday, July 15th, 2006|
The second rise of Voldemort, and subsequent escape of many of his loyal Death Eaters from Azkaban, had effected everyone in the magical community of Great Britain. Like most, Andromeda Black-Tonks's life was now a nightmare. Unlike most, though, it wasn't fear of the Dark Lord and his followers, for Andy. No, the situation had made living her life as she preferred rather... inconvenient.
You see, Andy was the second of three sisters. Older sister Bellatrix and younger sister Narcissa followed the Dark Lord. Andy, however, rebelled, refusing to join Voldemort's Death Eaters, and married a muggleborn wizard that she had fallen in love with. They had a daughter, Nymphadora, who had grown up to become an Auror, an elite intelligence agent for the Ministry of Magic. Dora was currently, as she often was, these days, accompanying Andy, shopping. While Andy loved her daughters company, and the re-bonding that was resulting, neither she nor Dora cared for the reasons she had to accompany her mother on any and all excursions in the magical community.
The Black sisters were always noted for their great beauty. The youngest, Cissy, was blonde, icily beautiful. The older two had inherited the family's traditional striking black hair. Andy looked so much like Bella that many who met them for the first time when they were younger thought them twins. Bella would be outraged, yelling that she was a year older, but Andy had always found it amusing.
Now, looking like her big sister wasn't amusing, at all.
Since Bella's escape from Azkaban, Andy found customer service just wasn't what it used to be. Walking into a shop in Diagon Alley, instead of what one usually expects, a friendly greeting and inquiry of how one can be of service, the shopkeeper screamed in horror and dived behind his counter.
This was quickly followed by the other customers seeing what was causing the commotion, and diving behind whatever was close.
War really was Hell. Andy rolled her eyes, sighed, and tried to clarify her intentions.
"HELLO! I'm just here to do some shopping..."
"Don't hurt us! Please!" the still cowering shopkeeper responded.
Andy was really getting angry, now.
"For crying out... Do I SEEM like a CRAZY EVIL PSYCHOPATHIC DARK WITCH?!!!"
"Um, Mum," her daughter quietly said, "At the moment, you kinda do..."
Dora caught a glare in response.
"Mum, your eyes just turned red, again...."
Oh. Damn. Andy forced herself to regain her composure.
"Well.... That proves I'm not who they think I am. Bella's eyes never turn red..."
The still cowering shopkeeper decided to speak up, again.
"And... That's supposed to reassure us?"
"Oh shush... Here's my shopping list. Make it SNAPPY."
After their shopping adventure, mother and daughter chose the Leaky Cauldron for lunch.
Anyway," Dora was chatting, "I've suggested to whoever will listen at the Ministry that we could learn a lot from the muggles. For example, anger management classes..."
She avoided The Glare since she was using the Patented Black Smirk as she said this.
"I'm not that bad. And, as much as I love your company... It seemed like you'd been avoiding me..."
"I don't think I really need an Auror with me every time I go out in public. I can take care of myself"
"They know that." Dora smiled. "I think they're more worried about you taking care of everyone else."
Oh dear, Andy thought. This was about that annoying boy with the glasses that assaulted here.
"If this is about the Potter boy, I had to defend myself."
"You hurt him."
"Not that badly. Nothing I did left any scars."
Not physical ones, anyway...
"Besides," she added, "It's not like your Aunt Bella is going to be nearly as gentle with him. Not to speak ill of the dead, but I would have thought Dumbledore would have made training him in how to fight duels against the most experienced at it a priority."
"Well, fortunately for us, he's not having to defend his life against Aunt Bella. Voldemort has given his people strict orders not to kill Harry. He's insistent that Harry is his to kill."
Andy sighed, again.
"Well, that's not very Slytherin of him. I'd have put a bounty on the boy's head."
"And, we all consider it fortunate you're not the Dark Lord, Mum. Or, Dark Lady as the case would be."
"Just saying. This whole 'I must fight my main battles, alone'... I swear, if he'd hadn't been descended from Salazar, he'd have been put into Gryffindor. The man embodies all their worst traits... Arrogant, bullying, reckless... And, he MUST always be right..."
"Mum, c'mon... I'm DATING a Gryffindor."
"Now, Dora, I'm not saying they're all bad. I know the House has it's... reputation, but they've produced some great witches and wizards, contrary to popular belief. I knew your boyfriend back in school, and I always thought he was special."
"Yeah..." Dora said in a voice that indicated she really didn't love being reminded of the age difference between her and Remus Lupin.
"So, when are you going to bring him home for dinner?"
"Well... Um... He's a little nervous about it..."
"He's afraid you might be... angry at him."
Andy sighed, again. "I'm NOT that BAD..." Current Mood: relieved
|Thursday, July 13th, 2006|
Lucius Malfoy looked fearfully at the wand pointed at him, and the mad eyes of the young woman holding it.
"Bella... I swear... I never..."
Bella spoke the curse softly, coldly, but none could mistake the dark rage channeled into the incantation. Lucius screamed as he was hit in the chest with the red light. He'd felt pain, before, but nothing could prepare him for this.
"You dare..." Bella said, still softly, still menacingly...
Bella turned, hearing her youngest sister, Narcissa.
How, Bella wondered, could Narcissa be so weak? Family honor was at stake.
"Cissy, do I have to remind you, Andromeda is pregnant! And he..." She motioned at the writhing Lucius, "refuses to accept responsibility! So..."
"But, it wasn't him!"
Bella shook her head in confusion. What was Cissi saying? Then, realization.
Bella turned back to the still prone Lucius.
"Well, why didn't you say so?!!"
Lucius looked up incredulously, and painfully gutted out "I... did!"
"Oh. Oops. Sorry."
Lucius attempted to sneer, but control over his facial expressions hadn't returned, yet, so all he could manage was a grimace.
"But.. If Lucius isn't the father, then who?" Bella wondered. Then, another dark expression, much like the one she wore before finding Lucius, came over her face.
"Where's Sirius?" she asked, before storming off in search of her reckless cousin who had just gone too far.
Narcissa was confused, but just for a moment, before, once again, giving chase to her oldest sister.
"It wasn't him, either!" she was calling, as she ran.
Lucius lay there, in pain, hearing a familiar voice.
"Are they gone?"
Lucius's henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle, came into view, rushing to him.
"Are you all right, mate?" asked Crabbe.
"Where were you two a few minutes ago?"
"C,mon, Lucius, it was Bella. So, you OK?"
Finally, Lucius was able to sneer, again.
"Oh... just... bloody... DANDY!!! I just got CRUCIOED by BELLATRIX BLACK!!! FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN DO!!! SO, NATURALLY, I'M FEELING BLOODY WONDERFUL!!!" Lucius realized that he was speaking in what his now very ex, Andromeda, called Capslock, but he didn't care. Sometimes, circumstances just called for it.
"Wow", said Crabbe, amazed. "And I'd heard her Crucios really hurt! I guess you can't believe everything you hear, eh?"
"No", Lucius wearily replied, wondering if conversing with these two was worse than a Crucio from a Black sister. "Why don't you two go find her and tell her that?"
Crabbe looked at Goyle, then shrugged.
"All right", he said. They then left to find Bella.
"Alone, at last", Lucius muttered. And to think, Rodolphus was going to marry that madwoman. Lucius counted his blessings that Andromeda had broken up with him. After all, anyone who'd marry into that family needed a stay at St. Mungo's. Current Mood: amused
|Tuesday, May 9th, 2006|
|In Rome 12: Leather Pants In Rome
Title: Leather Pants In Rome
Rating: R, for sexual situations, and a cuss word.
Spoilers: All of BtVS, and Angel through Shells.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. They're owned by Mutant Enemy and Fox,
who would never do these things with them.
The Story So Far: Buffy and Willow are in love, living in Rome with
Dawn and Faith (Dawn being the magically created love child of the
three other women), and the increasingly sentient Buffybot, and have
visitors. Lots of visitors. Giles and Xander arrived with Faith.
Cordy dropped in after being accidentally resurrected by Buffy.
Harmony showed up, in pursuit of Cordy. Angel's son, and Cordy's
ex, Connor, is visiting current girlfriend Dawn. Unfortunately for
our oversexed heroes, a certain vengeful gypsy clan is also in
town. They seek revenge on Willow for a variety of things,
including killing the most hated son of their tribe. To do so, they
seek to take from Willow what is most precious to her, and have
cursed Buffy, while her lover sleeps, peacefully. Cordy has had a
warning vision, but is it too late?...
A hallway in Buffy's House of Slayage...
Harmony: (trying to help Cordy to her feet) OK... Vision... Got
it! You're having a vision... Um... Of what?
Harmony: You're delirious... I understand... I'm not Buffy...
Cordy: I KNOW that...
Harmony: Shouldn't be surprised that she's the first person you
call for.... I mean, I just grew UP with you...
Cordy: HARM!!! The vision... is.... about... BUFFY!!!
Harmony: Oh! Um... I knew that... Well, we'll go find her, then.
Harmony: I'm sure she won't mind being woken up, if it's
important... Oh, here she is, now!
Cordy: (terrified) No... no...
Harmony: Buffy! We were just going to see you...
Buffy: (smiling, wickedly) Really?
Cordy: (whispering) Harm, we need to get away... now.
Harmony: Don't be silly. Buffy's here. (to Buffy) Sorry for
Cordy acting so weird, and stuff. She's had one of her, you know,
Buffy: (Nods, still smiling wickedly) Has she, now?
Cordy attempts to escape, only to be grabbed and secured by
Harmony: Am I going to have to sit on you? (sits on Cordy) So, as
soon as we calm her down, she can tell us what the danger is. Will
you stop squirming down there? It's distracting. Actually, I kinda
Buffy: Looks like fun...
Harmony: Yeah... Sigh...
Harmony: mmmm... Like that sound. Y'know, I'm sorry if I've been
Jealous Girl, lately...
Buffy: I'd noticed the green leather pants...
Harmony: Yeah... Normally not my color, but, well... I love
Cordy, y'know? So, I was always jealous of you. I mean, she dumped
me to be with you back when we were in school. Not that I don't get
it... You're her dashing knight who was always coming to her
rescue, and all... I understand, really... But, then there was
Blondie Bear, and it was the same thing all over again! I was
really having an inferiority complex about it! But, y'know, since,
I've been doing a lot of reading, going to seminars, and stuff, and
I realized that it wasn't about you doing things to me... It was
that I needed to feel good about MYSELF! And... (WHAM!)
Buffy has decked Harmony, who is sprawled unconscious over Cordy...
Buffy: (to Cordy) She's actually pretty cute when you can shut her
up for a minute...
Willow stirs, looks around...
Faith's bedroom, where she is asleep with Buffybot...
Faith: (awakens, springs up) B!!!
Faith: No!!! The OTHER B!!!
Harmony awakens, finding herself on a floor...
Harmony: Ow! Now, why'd you...? (looks around) Where...?
Cordy's voice: Harm?
Harmony gets to her feet, and sees Cordy handcuffed naked to a bed.
Harmony; Whoa!!! (entranced, approaches Cordy)
Cordy: Will you snap out of it?!!! We're in trouble!!!
Harmony: What happened? Someone kidnap us? Where's Buffy?
Cordy: Sigh... BUFFY kidnapped us! And she's in the next room,
Harmony: Oh. Why'd she do that?
Cordy: Well, seeing as I'm handcuffed naked on a bed, I have a
pretty good idea...
Harmony: Wow! Didn't think she was into that...
Cordy: You remember that little vision I was trying to tell you
about?!! Buffy's lost her soul.
Harmony: Is that a problem?
Cordy: She knocked you unconscious and... Well, LOOK at me!!!
Cordy: Sigh... Hello, Miss Attention Span! She ATTACKED us! And
she's gonna do who knows what with us! So, yeah, it's kind of a
Harmony: Oh! Well, let me get you free, then...
Cordy: Not an option, right now. She's right in the next room, and
she told me to tell you not to touch me, or else... Or Mr. Gordo
here, either... (Motions to Mr. Gordo, who is in the bed with Cordy)
Harmony: Piggy!!! That's so CUTE!!!
Cordy: Sigh... Look, we have to figure out what she's up to...
And try to get word out, so someone can rescue us!
Harmony: Hmm... If she's wearing leather pants, we'll...
Cordy: (exasperated) Harm!!! I love discussing clothes as much
as, if not more than, anybody, but this isn't the time!!!
Harmony: No, I mean... If she's wearing leather pants, we'll have
an idea what she's up to!
Harmony: Leather pants are always representative of what's going on
with a supernatural person wearing them. Each color represents
something. Let's see... There's the Black Leather Pants of Evil,
which means the person is all dark and about to do evil stuff...
There's the Red Leather Pants of Moral Ambiguity, when you're going
to do something morally ambiguous... There's the Green Leather
Pants of Jealousy... The Gold Leather Pants of Poetic Justice...
And the Pink Leather Pants of Enthrallment and Seduction! I think I
hear her coming... (goes to door)
Cordy: Is she wearing leather pants?
Harmony: Yeah! Yummy...
Cordy: Sigh... Which color?!!
Harmony: She's gone with the pink.
Cordy: Oh, shit!
|In Rome 11: Babes In Rome
Title: Babes In Rome
Disclaimers: Still don't own 'em. The same folks do.
Spoilers: Al of BtVS, much of Angel Season 5
The Story So Far: Buffy and Dawn have established a home/Watchers
Council HQ in Rome, and are having a lot of visitors. Willow
arrived, and she and Buffy finally consummated their long loving
relationship. But, Buffy's ex, fellow Slayer Faith, has also
arrived, with Giles and Xander, with news about Dawn. Dawn, they
have learned, is the magical love child of Willow, Buffy, AND
Faith. Others there include the recently resurrected Cordelia, and
the hungry, horny, and disturbingly lifelike Buffybot. Harmony's
popped by for an unwelcome visit in pursuit of Cordy, and Dawn has a
date, someone she said she had a lot in common with. Much to Dawn's
surprise, though, her new boyfriend, Connor, has a history with this
group, especially Cordy. Unknown to our heroes, though, the
Kalderash Gypsy clan is in town, seeking revenge on Willow for
killing the most hated son of their tribe...
Notes: [ ] indicates telepathic conversation.
Dawn: You guys know each other?!!
Buffy: Yeah... Um... Connor is Angel's son.
Buffy: And he and Cordy were... kind of involved for a while.
Dawn: Wasn't she involved with Angel?
Buffy: Yeah, lot's of "ick" all around if you think about it, too
much... (quickly) But, it wasn't their fault! They were, um,
pawns in a larger game!
Dawn: Uh huh...
Connor: No... I should have seen we were being manipulated...
Stopped things, before... (broods)
Buffy: Hey! Stop the brooding, RIGHT NOW! I put up with that for
three years from your father, and I'm not putting up with it from
Connor: Dawn... Maybe I should just leave...
Dawn: You just GOT here!
Connor: I know...
Dawn: Don't you care about me?
Connor: Yes... And I want you to be happy... So...
Buffy: AHEM!!! Stop that. (threateningly) You're going to take
my daughter out for coffee and conversation, and you're going to
have FUN. No brooding, no wallowing in self pity. Understood?
Connor: (suitably intimidated) Yes. But, isn't this making things
even more incestuous?
Buffy: You don't know the half of it... In fact, I can't help but
have this weird feeling that I was almost your mother...
Buffy: It's something I can't place... Like there's something I
don't remember, but it's important... But, why wouldn't I
remember...? (spots Faith's ice cream container, eyes widen)
COOKIE DOUGH FUDGE MINT CHIP!!!
Dawn: Um... Yeah... We have more...
Buffy: It's coming back... I REMEMBER!!! That.... He wiped out
that entire day... ARRRGH!!! I'm SO gonna kick Angel's ass for
this!!! (catching herself, to Connor) No offense.
Connor: None taken.
Xander: Um, how many promised kickings of Angel's ass does this
make in the last few days?
Willow: Three... That I know of, at least... She's going to kick
Angel's ass three times, Spike's once... Oh, and Andrew's.
Xander: Can I watch?
Dawn: But... What happened between Connor and Cordy?
Buffy: Long story...
Harmony: I'll explain, since Cordy's incapable of speech at the
moment, for a change... It all started when Wolfram & Hart brought
back Darla. Things got intense, and one thing led to another, some
magics were involved, and we ended up with Connor, here. But, there
was this old enemy who had himself put in, like, suspended animation
centuries ago, and he took baby Connor to this Hell dimension, where
he grew up. Then he came back, wanting to kill his dad. Got all
Harmony: But then, this demon told Cordy that the Powers That Be
needed her to go to a higher plane, and be a higher being and
Xander: (to Cordy) You just TRUSTED a DEMON?!!
Cordy looks embarrassed.
Harmony: Hey, so did the rest of the Fang Gang... So, she
ascends... Only it turned out she wasn't ascending... She came
back kinda possessed. Then, she and Connor messed around, and she
Xander: So, not only did you trust a demon, get possessed, screw
the son of your boyfriend, but you didn't use contraceptives?!!! Or
condoms?!!! I can't let you out of my sight for a minute without
you getting possessed and knocked up?!!!
Willow: Xander... She was possessed, OK? She couldn't help it...
Harmony: Yeah! Get off her ass about it! It's been the same thing
with you since we were all kids...
Buffy: Can we save the Sunnydale Elementary reminiscing for later?
Harmony: Oh, yeah... OK (sticks tongue at Xander) So, she gives
birth to this renegade Powers That Be.... Uh, Power That Be....
What do you call a single one of them?
Buffy: Sigh... Just finish...
Harmony: So, wouldn't you know... Everything, from Connor's
conception onward, was part of this overly elaborate plot by the
First Evil! I think...
Buffy: We don't know that... The First could have just taken
advantage of him being around...
Harmony: Yeah, true...
Willow: So, Angel plus Darla equals Connor, plus Cordelia equals
Harmony: Yeah! You were always so good at math...
Buffy: Ahem... Getting sidetracked, again...
Harmony: Sorry... So, the First had Jasmine brought into the world
to turn everyone outside of Sunnydale into Shiny Happy People,
y'know, since Sunnydale had that conveniently timed blackout, and
there weren't that many people who hadn't evacuated, already... so
there wouldn't be any resistance when she let loose with the
ubervamps. And, Jasmine tried to destroy Wolfram & Hart before they
could get that necklace thingy that doesn't go with anything to you
Cordy: Wait... You mean I went through all that HELL because the
Source of All Evil wanted to be BUFFY?!!!
Harmony: Yeah, pretty much...
Buffy: Sorry about that...
Harmony: Or... Maybe Jasmine was trying to STOP the First, and
Wolfram & Hart were actually working FOR the First... But then,
Buffy would be the First Evil, now... Um, has she been doing evil
Willow: Nah... Naughty stuff, but she isn't wearing the Black
Harmony: Ah, OK then.
Xander: When did you become Recap Girl, anyway?
Harmony: Part of my job.
Xander: And is this the Sunnydale High Class of '99 reunion?!!
Harmony: Is it?!! We're all that's left?!!
Cordy: (irritated) He's JOKING!
Harmony: Oh. (relieved) So, we're not the only ones to come out
Xander: You didn't exactly come out alive...
Harmony: Hey! Neither did Cordy or Buffy! You're not giving THEM
grief! You always pick on me!!! Dork!
Harmony: Um... Dumb eyepatch guy!
Buffy: (holding head) Dawn, would you two go on your date before I
kill everyone? Please?
Dawn: Sure... Can you handle this?
Buffy: I've stopped the Apocalypse a zillion times, so I can handle
this room. Times like this, though, I'm really glad I didn't grow
up with these people...
Willow: It's OK, sweetie...
Later, in Buffy's and Willow's bedroom...
Willow: And this is my new shrine. You like?
Giles: Very impressive.
Buffy: So, you guys considering my offer to move in?
Xander: I like the place... And I could keep my one eye on my
Buffy: I've missed you...
Giles: And I've missed you, too. I've missed all of you, but...
Buffy: You don't want to be with me?
Giles: Don't do that cute pout thing. I'm immune. No, not the doe
Giles: All right! I'll consider it. So, you've really decided to
settle, here? I thought you were having another place fitted.
Buffy: Well, given out global responsibilities, we could use a
house on both sides of the Atlantic. This'd be the European place,
and the other place would be when we're in America.
Xander: Where's this?
Buffy: My home town. I saw this place in Griffith Park and fell in
love with it. It reminds me a lot of Angel's old house in
Sunnydale... A LOT of Angel's old place in Sunnydale.
Willow: I know. It's uncanny...
Xander: (Looks at Buffy's and Willow's bed) And you still have
your constant companion, Mr. Gordo...
Buffy: (hugs Mr. Gordo) You never leave me, do you, Mr. Gordo?
Mr. Gordo says "Hi!", and he agrees you guys should stay. He's
missed you, too! (looks at Mr. Gordo) Oh! Guys, we have a
Willow: She's worried? (goes to doll on shelf)
Buffy: Mr. Gordo says Miss Edith is worried. You remember Miss
Xander: That doll you rescued from the Factory? Um... You have
conversations with your dolls?
Willow: Oh... Well... Sometimes, when dolls are around a lot of
mystical energy for an extended period, they gain sentience. So,
Mr. Gordo and Miss Edith can think. It seems to have rubbed off on
Xander: Ah... (looks at Giles)
Giles: Yes, it does happen, sometimes.
Buffy: [Miss Edith, what's happening?]
Miss Edith: [Old enemies... Up to no good, they are. A gate is
opening... It wants to claim us! They want to destroy our happy
Willow: Guys, we gotta keep our guard up... Some old enemies are
Xander: Again?!! Don't they ever learn?
Giles: Xander, check the London office. See if they know
anything. I'll research. In the meantime, as Willow said, we'll
keep our guard up.
Buffy: Sigh... And I had a fun night of passion planned for
Willow. Guess that has to be postponed...
Giles: Don't you dare! We can handle this, and we'll tell you if
anything comes up. You two go ahead and do... What you were going
Xander: Um, Mr. Gordo is sentient, right?
Xander: And you two... do what you do... with him in bed with you?
Willow: Of course. It's not like it's anything he hasn't seen,
Xander: Lucky pig...
Somewhere in Rome...
Bera: It is time...
Stefan: I have a bad feeling about this...
Bera: Vengeance cannot be...
Stefan: Yeah, yeah, I know... (Begins curse)
Buffy: What is it?
Willow: Well... You're not interested in Harmony, are you?
Buffy: What?!!! Come ON!
Willow: Well... She's attractive, and a vampire who can't kill
Buffy: Yeah, but... She's HARMONY.
Willow: (smiles) True...
Buffy: Granted she's got quite the bod... But then she starts
talking... I like smart girls. Like you. (leans in to kiss)
Elsewhere in the house...
Cordy: What a day...
Harmony: Well, look at it this way... Can't get worse.
Cordy: Don't SAY that!!! Now, it'll get worse!!! Nice job!!!
Harmony: Uh... Sorry?
Cordy: No, let ME apologize... I'm on edge... I'll be OK...
Harmony: Anything I can do?
Cordy: Maybe... (holds head) ARRRRGH!!! (crumples to floor)
Harmony: Cordy!!! I know things are kinda rough, right now,
but... (Cordy grabs her roughly) Ugh...
Cordy: I'm... having... a... VISION... you.... IDIOT!!!!
Buffy's smiling, watching Willow sleep, content. Suddenly, she's
jolted by a sharp pain...
Buffy: (falling out of bed) Ahh... (convulses) Oh no...
She stumbles out of the room, not disturbing Willow, who is sleeping
|In Rome 10: Pronoun Trouble In Rome
Title: Pronoun Trouble In Rome
Disclaimers: The usual, don't own them, Joss and Fox do, blah blah
Spoilers: Pretty well any and all BtVS, and Angel Season 5.
The Story So Far: Buffy and Dawn had moved to Rome, as part of
rebuilding the Watchers Council. The reason they picked Rome,
besides liking the Eternal City, is the house they live in. From
the outside, it appears to be a modest villa, but it was actually
built centuries ago by the Templars. It's much vaster than it seems
on the surface, full of large underground rooms, passageways, and
vaults, one of which has been converted into a state of the art
lab. Willow came to visit after splitting from Kennedy (due, in
part, to Buffy and Dawn reprogramming the Buffybot to have a
condition unique to Slayers: Post Slayage Horniness), and Buffy
finally won the love of her best friend in the non platonic way she
wanted for years. While adjusting to this change in their
relationship, they've had more visitors who have complicated
things. Giles, Xander, and Buffy's old girlfriend and fellow Slayer
Faith arrived, revealing Dawn to be the magical love child of Buffy,
Willow, AND Faith. Cordelia's dropped in, literally, thanks to
Buffy accidentally resurrecting her. And, as if they didn't have
enough people moving in, ditsy, lovesick, vampire Harmony has
arrived to declare her undying love for Cordy, having gotten into
the house through a legal loophole. Buffy, Willow, and Faith must
face something more horrifying, though: Dawn met someone in
California that she really hit it off with, who will soon arrive for
Meanwhile, mysterious forces conspire to destroy the love Buffy and
Willow have found...
A hotel room, where we see two men, one old, one young...
Old Man: To the modern man, vengeance is a verb, an idea...
Young Man: It's a noun.
Old Man: You interrupt me, Stefan?!!
Stefan: Sorry, Uncle Bera, but... Vengeance is a noun.
Bera: (flustered) Fine! Vengeance is a NOUN! Payback. One thing
for another. Like commerce. Not with us. Vengeance is a living
thing. It passes through generations.
Stefan: Like insanity?
Bera: It commands. It kills.
Stefan: Do we really need to do this?
Bera: The elder woman has been reading signs, and she is never
wrong. She says her pain is lessening. She can feel it.
Stefan: Well, I'm glad she's feeling better. I didn't know the
elder woman was sick.
Bera: No, NOT the elder woman!!! The flame haired WITCH!!! HER
pain is lessening!!!
Stefan: Oh... Yes, of course. Sorry. Pronoun trouble. But,
maybe we should just leave well enough alone? This never goes well
for us, especially when THAT Slayer is the one involved.
Bera: So, you just forget that the witch killed the most hated son
of your tribe?!!
Stefan: Well, he DID abuse his magical gifts. Some would say....
I wouldn't, of course, but some... would say Rack brought it on to
Bera: Vengeance demands that her pain be eternal as ours is! If
this, this girl gives her one MINUTE of happiness, it is one minute
too much! And the fact that it IS this particular girl makes
vengeance... um.... more DEMANDING!!! She and her, it ends now!
Do what you must to take her from her!
Stefan: (confused) Um... Which she and which her?
Bera: What?!!! Only ONE of them is a witch!!!
Bera: Sigh... Just perform the curse as I have instructed you.
Stefan: All right... But if you end up murdered with messages
written on the wall with your blood, don't come running to me...
Buffy's House of Slayage...
Giles and Xander are in the entrance room. Willow is coming down
stairs, followed by Buffy. They're having a heated discussion...
Willow: I just think you're reading too much into this...
Buffy: C'mon, Willow... It's all there!
Willow: They had guys!
Buffy: That meant nothing to them!!! The whole movie was about
their relationship, how much they loved each OTHER! Notice how all
the endearments, the "honey"s and "dear"s, were always for each
Faith and Buffybot return from patrol...
Buffybot: (brightly) Hi, everyone!
Giles: Patrol go well?
Faith: We came, we saw, we slayed.
Buffybot: And Faith is hungry! (smiles) I'll give her something
yummy! (goes to kitchen)
Willow: This whole subtext kick you're on...
Buffy: Faith, back me up, here.
Faith: Sure. On what?
Willow: Buffy has this radical interpretation of Gentlemen Prefer
Faith: Oh yeah... Lorelei and Dorothy were SO screwing...
Willow: Come ON! They got MARRIED at the end, for crying out
loud! To guys!
Buffy: Wouldn't know it from that zoom in the final shot...
Willow: Look... If it's there, they should just SAY it! Maybe I
don't LIKE having to figure out subtext that could mean one thing on
one level and something else on another! Maybe I like these things
to be more direct!
Buffybot returns, with ice cream and a spoon, which she gives Faith.
Faith: Cookie dough fudge mint chip! Yum!!
Buffybot: And after you eat, we'll have sex!
Willow: Um... Maybe I should rethink that direct thing... Subtext
Xander: You think?
Willow: (to Buffy) I never pictured you and Faith spending
romantic evenings watching 50s musicals.
Giles: Just be thankful you weren't their Watcher, and didn't have
to sit through their rendition of "Two Little Girls From Little
Xander: Just don't get Buffy started on Thelma & Louise.
Willow: I just... OK, taking your interpretation... They just
used and manipulated and emasculated every guy they met!
Buffy: It was a satire, Wills...
Willow: We're supposed to think that's FUNNY?
Xander: Don't take it so seriously... I just thought it was a fun
Willow: But just... USING guys like that... Some of whom CARE
about you... (looks at Xander, then Buffy.. She shakes her head in
frustration and leaves in a huff).
Buffy: (to Xander) What was THAT about?!!
Xander: I don't know... Maybe we were supposed to read something
into that. Go after her...
Buffy finds Willow in the garden, where she is still huffy...
Buffy: Wills, what...?
Willow: Buffy, I need to ask you something.
Buffy: Ask away.
Willow: Well, I-I... I've gotten some surprises about your
romantic life, lately, and... Well...
Buffy: Will... Whatever you want to know...
Willow: OK!!! I'll just ask straight out! (nods) I'll just get
straight to the point, I'll...
Buffy: Will, what IS it?
Willow: Did you and Xander ever... You know...?
Buffy: Did we ever... what?
Willow: You know! Did you ever... um...
Buffy: If you're talking about something WE do, then you can say
Willow: Welll Yeah... So... Did you?
Buffy: (rolls eyes) Why is it EVERY time I have a girlfriend, they
Willow: Well... You two are close... And have been for a lot of
years... And you ARE a Slayer... And...
Buffy: Fine, here's my entire sexual history: Angel, Faith,
Parker, Riley, Spike, Anya, Buffybot, and you.
Willow: OK. (nods, then it registers) Wait. Be kind, rewind.
Buffy: Oh... Yeah, I suppose I should explain...
Buffy: Oh! Well, she wanted to be accurate... In every way she
could. So, she wanted to learn about my bedroom style. And she's
VERY persistent when she wants something...
Willow: Tell me about it...
Buffy: So, I had the choice of finding a volunteer to help me
demonstrate while she watched, or I could show her one on one.
Willow: (playfully) Narcissist...
Buffy: Y'know, I remember this red haired vampire from an alternate
Willow: OK, change of subject...
Buffy: We could get you a nice form fitting leather outfit and role
Willow: Maybe later. Any more movies we can watch that you can
interpret for me?
Buffy: A few... Ever consider writing lesbian erotica, yourself?
Willow: I've tried, but I always have trouble with the sex scenes.
Buffy: A little more intimate than you're comfortable with sharing?
Willow: It's not that... It's when I'm describing the act... I
have to remember to keep using their names. Otherwise you run into
pronoun trouble... She did this then she did that... It's like,
which one? Is it the same girl doing everything, or is one girl
doing the first thing then the second one doing the other?
Buffy: Ah... Speaking of potential pronoun trouble, we've gotta
get ready to meet Dawn's date. Dawn's gushing... It's all "We have
a connection... We both knew we had so much in common..." She's at
the airport, right now.
Willow: Our daughter and her mystery girlfriend... Scary.
Buffy: Not as scared as the date's gonna be when she meets the
Harmony: But, Cordy... I know we've had our problems... Like when
you dumped me to be with Buffy... But, I LOVE...
Cordy: Will you STOP SAYING THAT?!!!
Harmony: C'mon... We grew UP together! We were inseparable!
Remember the slumber parties? How we used to paint each other's
toenails? The foot massages?
Cordy: Yeah... But, that was before...
Harmony: What's WITH you?!!! You weren't this freaked out about me
being a vampire, before!
Cordy: Yeah, well...
Harmony: C'mon, you can talk to me.
Cordy: You wouldn't understand.
Harmony: Why wouldn't I? You think you're the only one who's been
through stuff?!! Had identity issues?!! Hello! Vampire, here!
Cordy: No, I mean, you wouldn't understand because... Well...
Harmony: You think I'm a ditz?!!
Cordy: Well... That enters into it, yeah...
Harmony: Well, maybe I'll surprise you.
Cordy: You've already given me one surprise, tonight...
Harmony: What's that?
Cordy: You're coming on to me.
Harmony: Well, duh!
Cordy: It's like... Every woman I know... They're all... We're
talking a small percentage of the population, here, so why am I this
big lesbian magnet?!!!
Harmony smiles, but is then startled when Buffy and Willow enter the
room. Buffy sees Harmony...
Buffy: OK, who invited her in?
Cordy: You did. It's OK. She can't bite.
Harmony: (smiles) Unless you want me to.
Willow: Buffy!!! We talked about these old bad habits of yours...
Buffy: No! I didn't!
Harmony: (smiles) I come with the open invitation to Angel's crew.
Y'know, because I'm part of it. And stuff.
Buffy: Arrgh!!! I'm gonna kick his ass!!!
Willow: Um, weren't you already going to kick his ass over Spike?
Buffy: Yes! And then I'll kick his ass again over THIS! Sigh...
Cordy, Dawn's on the way back from the airport with her mystery
date. We could use everyone we can get for proper intimidation.
Cordy: Let me get dressed, and I'll be down in a bit.
Willow: Um... Should we leave you alone with... (motions to
Cordy: I can handle her... Um, as in keep her in line, not, you
know, handling her, in a physical sense...
Dawn's car (a nice little sports number) arrives in front of the
house. Dawn steps out with her date. Buffy is at the door, and is
surprised by what she sees.
Buffy: Didn't see THAT coming... Dawn's got a boyfriend.
Willow: Huh? Wait, did she ever use any gender specific pronouns
when talking about this person?
Buffy watches them come to the house. There seems to be something
oddly familiar about him, but she can't place it.
Buffy: Hi. I'm Buffy. Come on in, and meet the gang...
Dawn: Isn't he cute?
Then enter the house. Willow's and Faith's eyes widen in
Faith: You've gotta be kidding...
Dawn: Hey, everybody! I'd like you to meet Connor!
Buffy: (realization) Oh no... Well, you said you had a lot in
Connor: Faith?!! Willow?!!!
Willow: (nervous) Hi.
Giles: Bloody hell...
Connor: (to Buffy) You're THAT Buffy?!!
Buffy: Small world...
Connor: I thought you'd be taller...
Buffy: (warningly) Don't.
Dawn: You all know each other?!!
Dawn's three moms break off into a huddle, where Xander joins them...
Buffy: Five billion people in the world that Dawn could date...
Xander: So, let me see if I understand all this... Your magically
created daughter who's just a few years old but also a teenager is
dating your ex's magically created son who is ALSO just a few years
old and a teenager...
Buffy: Uh huh...
Xander: Well, at least it can't get MORE complicated...
Buffy, Willow, and Faith's eyes widen, again...
Xander: I guess this is another example of "I shouldn't have said
Buffy: Oh God... She'll be coming down any minute...
Willow: (panic) What are we going to do?!!
Buffy: We need a plan...
Faith: Ah... Got it! I'll intercept her, knock her out, and lock
her in her room for the duration.
Buffy: (seeing Cordy and Harmony coming down the stairs) Too
Cordy: (cheery) So, Dawn, let's meet your.... Connor?!!!
Dawn: What's going on?!!!
Buffy: Uh oh...
|In Rome 9: Turned On In Rome
Title: Turned On In Rome
Disclaimer: Don't own any of this increasing cast of characters.
They're all owned by Mutant Enemy, Fox, and whoever else owns anyone
Summary: Buffy and Dawn are living in Rome, where Buffy and Willow
finally admitted their love for each other in a non platonic way.
Things got complicated when Faith, Giles, and Xander arrived, with
news about Dawn's true parentage. Dawn, it turns out, is the
magical love child of Buffy, Willow, AND Faith. If this didn't
complicate things enough, Buffy accidentally resurrected Cordelia,
who's understandably a bit freaked by it all. She'd be even more
freaked if she knew who was on their way to visit. There are other
questions, of course, such as how Buffy and Dawn are fitting all
these people comfortably into what appears on the outside to be a
modest villa, and why they picked this house in Rome to be the
center of the rebuilding Watchers Council, and just what WAS the
breaking point between Willow and Kennedy?...
A large state of the art underground lab....
Faith: So, does all real estate in this town come with a huge
layout of underground rooms, vaults, and state of the art labs?
Dawn: A few. Not something you'll usually find, though. And the
ones that do don't advertise it.
Willow: The Templars built this centuries ago, when the Inquisition
started getting too inquisitive. They had a lot of secrets to
Faith: I know they were advanced for their time, but... (motions
Dawn: That's why it's nice that Buffy has friends in Black Ops
organizations. They were only too happy to give her what she
wanted, since they had a big coverup that they needed our
Faith: Yeah, a suburb of LA disappearin' like that gets people
Dawn: And Buffy figured this could be an enticement for a certain
someone. (smiles at Willow)
Faith: As if B wasn't enticement enough...
Willow: Well, she made certain I wouldn't FORGET her...
Faith: Hey, Red, it was YOUR idea to repair the B-bot and take it
with you. (frowns) I wanted the B-bot... Y'know, to help with the
Slaying, and stuff...
Dawn: So, the upgrade done?
We see what they've been working on. On the table is what appears
to be a naked Buffy.
Willow: Yes, and better than ever. There were some things I
needed... hands on experience with to really make it right. So,
does she pass inspection?
Faith: Yep. Smells, tastes, internal mechanisms... Finally
perfect. (smiles) So, did B-bot cause problems between you and K?
Willow: She wasn't happy... Especially since SOMEONE decided to
enhance the Buffybot's programming when I wasn't looking, and added
Post Slayage Horniness.
Faith: Hey, you want an authentic Slayerbot, it needs PSH.
Willow: And, I can only think of one person there who knew enough
about programming to add that little feature. (looks at Dawn)
Dawn: (smiling) It was Buffy's idea. I just did the
Willow: You know, Dawn... Kennedy objected enough to the
Buffybot's presence without her walking into the bedroom, naked,
saying "Willow! I need serviced!"
Faith: HA!!! (admiringly) B's gotten sneaky...
Willow: So, Kennedy gets wiggy, and I yell at Buffybot... Then, of
course, Buffybot does that cute sad pout thing, asking what she did
wrong... Then she starts sniffling... And looking up at me with
those doe eyes... So, I HAVE to comfort her...
Dawn: (happy) So, can we turn her on? (catching Willow's and
Faith's looks) I mean activate her?
Willow activates the Buffybot. The Buffybot's eyes flicker open,
then she sits up, smiling.
Buffybot: (brightly) Good morning!
Willow: Actually, it's evening.
Buffybot: Oh. (sees Dawn) Sister!
Willow: Well... She's actually your daughter.... Um, the other
Buffy's daughter... Technically... We'll explain...
Buffybot: (to Faith) And hot Slayer friend! I love my friends! I
love you, Willow. (passionately kisses Willow) I love you, Faith.
(passionately kisses Faith) I love you, Dawn, but I'm not supposed
to express it the same way. So, are there evil things to slay?
Faith: As always...
Buffybot: Let's go slay! I like to slay!
Faith: Sure thing... (leaves lab with Buffybot) Better get you
some clothes first...
Dawn: Think we should work on the Love Expressions before she sees
Giles and Xander?
Willow: Yeah, and especially Cordelia... She's freaked enough as
Upstairs, Buffy and Cordy are putting down shopping bags...
Cordy: I really appreciate this...
Buffy: Hey, you needed the wardrobe, and we have a nice big expense
account. Besides, you need a little normalcy, trust me.
Cordy: Yeah... Clothes shopping in Italy... For a little while
there, I felt like... me.
Buffy: One day at a time... It gets better. You really ARE a
higher being, now.
Cordy: I don't know...
Buffy: Going to Heaven and back? It changes you. You have a
higher purpose, like me.
Cordy: Uh huh... And what did YOU do when you returned from Heaven
with this higher purpose? As I recall, you spent a lot of time
having rough trade sex with a soulless demon.
Buffy: Yeah... Yeah, I did, I really did, but... You're not
seeing the big picture, here! It put him on the path of redemption,
didn't it? So, there you go...
Cordy: I suppose... Though I have no clue what my higher purpose
IS. Though it's safe to say screwing soulless demons isn't a part
Buffy: Good idea... No screwing soulless demons....
Cordy: Wait a minute!!! Fred!!!
Buffy: Yeah, she's definitely screwable...
Cordy: No, I mean.... She's NOT!!! There IS a woman I know who
isn't into girls! I knew there HAD to be...
Buffy: Well... Actually... When Willow was there picking up Faith
and restoring Angel's soul... AGAIN... She told me Fred was
totally hitting on her.
Cordy: Sigh... Figures. A woman who calls herself "Fred"...
Maybe it's just me... But, I've got more important things to worry
about... Like what I'm going to DO.
Buffy: Well, ever since we activated all the potential Slayers in
the world into active ones, we've had this whole subspecies of
human/demon hybrids we've been trying to track down. We could use
all the help we can get.
Cordy: God... Thousands of ultra violent super powered girls like
you out there... Scary... No offense.
Buffy: None taken. I know the danger of some going bad, which is
why we've got to move before some of them fall under the wrong
influences. In fact, we think some already have.
Buffy: Inside job, which makes it worse. I'm headed down to a
Council meeting to get us up to date... So, think about the offer,
and later, we'll see how you look in some of these outfits.
Cordy: I'll look GREAT!
Buffy: That's the Cordy I know and love...
Meeting room, where Buffy, Giles, Willow, and Xander are
Buffy: So, we have a renegade Watcher on our hands.
Giles: Yes. It seems he took advantage of the Mass Calling, and
has used the Potentials in his charge for his own ends.
Willow: Why weren't they sent to Sunnydale?
Giles: It seems he's had his own agenda for some time, now. It was
just a lucky break for them that the girls in his charge became full
Slayers, rather than just extremely talented fighters.
Buffy: Any idea what he's using them for?
Giles: He seems to be forming his own assassination for hire squad,
as near as we can tell.
Willow: How's he managed to keep this operation hidden all this
Giles: He seems to be... enhanced, in his own right. Possibly
Xander: Great... So, the old Council wasn't exactly careful about
Giles: They were... But he was so gifted...
Buffy: So, do we have a name for this renegade and possibly demonic
Watcher who has his own stable of Slayers he's using for his own
Giles: Yes. His name is... (dramatic pause) Bill.
Xander: Bill?!!! What kind of name for a Big Bad Evil is Bill?!!!
Meanwhile, upstairs, Cordy is undressed, in the process of changing
outfits. She hears a noise from the shadows...
Harmony: Mmmm... You look delicious....
Harmony: (emerging from shadows) Cordy.... I never thought I'd
see you again... (runs and hugs Cordy)
Cordy: Auuugh!!! Why does this keep happening when I'm naked!!!
Harmony: I missed you, so much!!!
Cordy: Wait a minute!!! (disengages herself from Harmony) You're
a vampire!!! How in the HELL did you get in the house uninvited?!!
Harmony: I WAS invited.
Harmony: You know how Buffy doesn't like her old boyfriend working
for Wolfram & Hart? Well, that's her old BOYFRIENDS now, really...
What is it about her and vampires, anyway?
Cordy: Get to the point.
Harmony: Oh... Yeah... Anyway, she doesn't want Angel there,
right? So, she gives him, AND his crew, an open invitation to come
HERE!!! And, guess what?
Cordy: You're part of his crew.
Harmony: Uh huh!
Cordy: But, that still shouldn't work...
Harmony: Well, that's the advantage to working for an Evil Law
Firm, besides the great dental plan... The lawyers looked it
over... And here I AM!!! We're gonna have SO much fun!!! Just
like the old days!!! Well, except that I'm a vampire...
Cordy: Arrrgh!!! I HATE lawyers!!!